Seven Days

That is how long my boss gave me to write a book. A book with several chapters and tables and graphs. I'm not kidding. I guess I should be grateful. At first she said three days and then changed it to seven days.

This occurred during lab meeting last Tuesday, after I handed her the document with some templates and forms that needed to be done for some workshops at the end of July. She said she had been expecting a book from me. But, she had never told me that she wanted a book. She started criticizing me and telling me that what I did was worthless and that I had seven days to write a book.

I can't write a book in seven days. I don't think it's possible to write a book in seven days. So, I am feeling a lot of anxiety over this situation. I have to give her the book this Tuesday and I don't have one to give her. And she will yell and criticize me again in front of my fellow labmates. I wish I could quit this job, but it is my only source of income. I would be glad to hear any suggestions that anyone might have on how to handle this situation.

What Things Want

 A friend posted this poem in Facebook and I love it so much, that I have to post it here. It seems so simple, yet it's so profound. You can read about the poet, Robert Bly, at poets.org

 

What Things Want by Robert Bly

You have to let things
Occupy their own space.
This room is small,
But the green settee

Likes to be here.
The big marsh reeds,
Crowding out the slough,
Find the world good.

You have to let things
Be as they are.
Who knows which of us
Deserves the world more?

Merry Christmas!

I hope you are all having a good holiday. I have been feeling a bit depressed lately because of my never-ending job search and a few health issues. This morning when I got up and went into the dining room, I saw this:

A table full of presents!

Seeing this put a smile on my face and lifted my spirit. Admittedly, I put 7 of them on the table last night because they were from me to my husband. Four more were from family and the rest were from my husband to me! This is what we got:

Circus Train!!!

Good books, music, a movie, a computer game, candy, and a story that my husband wrote for me. Wow!  

My Job Search

I have been very busy at work for the past several weeks. I have been working about 65 hours per week which is way too much for a post-doc position. I can see working 45 hours a week; even 50 hours wouldn't be too much, but 65 is not okay with me. Usually by the time Friday comes around, I feel sick from fatigue. But I just keep on going and I work on the weekends, too.

Anyway, that is mainly why I am not posting much on my blog. When I have the time to post something, I'm just too wiped out to even think of anything to say. The only reason, I am able to post something here tonight is because I only worked 6 hours this weekend. That was all that I could take. If the boss gets mad because certain things did not get done, then so be it.

My job search is ongoing. I applied for a position several weeks ago and made it to the interview stage, but was not selected for the position. That is the story of my life since I got this Doctor degree. I'm starting to think that I made a big mistake in getting this degree. It cost me too much money and I'm not getting much in return. It doesn't help that the economy tanked the year before I graduated, but I really thought that my education and degree would be valued and that I would have at least one job offer by the time I graduated. At least that is the propaganda that I was given before I entered the degree program and that I heard throughout the entire time I was in the program.

Most of the other graduates of the program have found permanent jobs, although there are a few (maybe one or two) that have not. Those that graduated after the economy tanked have found jobs (with the exception of the one or two). I can't help but compare myself to the other graduates, so I have been wondering why me? Not enough experience? I think that might be true for the industry positions that I have applied to and for the one position that my former co-worker and I both applied to and he got it because he had 30 years of experience. For the rest of the positions the "not enough experience" excuse is bullshit. I suppose all of the other graduates of this program had enough experience? The majority of positions that I have applied to have required either my complete work history since I graduated from high school or all of my college transcripts or both. They can't ask me what my age is, but they can sure figure it out by looking at my work history and my transcripts. I think I am experiencing age discrimination. So, there you have it; I've said it. Can't prove it, but I think that's it. Is there any employer out there that is willing to prove me wrong?

I'm De-conditioned...

or is it "De-conditioning"? Due to insurance changes and going without insurance, I've had about 6 different doctors over the last 11 years. When I tell them I think I'm out of shape, they have all said it's de-conditioning. Why are doctors using this term rather than just saying to their patients that they are out of shape and need to exercise. Are they afraid of being politically incorrect?

The following is a conversation between my doctor and me. It doesn't matter which doctor; it's been the same conversation every time.

Me: I think I'm out of shape.

Doctor: It's de-conditioning.

Me: I think I need to exercise more.

Doctor: It's de-conditioning.

Could the failure of doctors and other medical professional to talk about the issue with their patients possibly be contributing to the increasing numbers of Americans that are out of shape, overweight and/or obese?

Well, I'm not waiting for a doctor to tell me I need to exercise. I don't really need to lose more weight; I lost 20 lbs during my last year in my doctoral program and I have never gained it back. But I am very out of shape. So, today I started walking around the building where I work. I walked around the building three times for a total of 15 minutes. The hardest part about doing it is just getting up from my chair and getting out of the building. But, once I'm out there, I don't want to go back inside.

Music Monday

This is Jerry Garcia and Friends performing 'Fire on the Mountain' live in Petaluma, CA in 1987. Carlos Santana plays in this as well. This is a great version!



To view on YouTube the link is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmN0mFHDH2w&NR=1

Odds and Ends

I am not going to be applying for any more jobs right now. Most of the jobs that I have had throughout my life have come to me from people that I either knew or had some connection to. I should have at least gotten an interview for the most recent position that I applied for; the people there knew me. But I didn't even get an interview. It could be my age or my varied work history or who knows what. While I work to figure out what is wrong and what I can do about it (if anything), I will keep an eye out for job opportunities, but will not actively apply for anything for now.

I made the decision a couple of weeks ago that I am not going to get a laptop for now. At the end of August, I will lose my health insurance, so I am going to use the money that I saved for the laptop, for my asthma medicines instead. I have enough money to get 2 months worth of medicines and I will just keep saving to have enough for 3 and 4 months and so on until I can get insurance.

I am also working on cleaning up my blog a bit. There are a few posts that I don't like and will most likely delete them as I have done with a couple already.